33/365 - Glass Eyes by AJoelle_xo
What gets teens going, what gets them interested in being green? Is adolescence a time when kids must by default turn into rebellious teenagers? Not everyone thinks so – there’s plenty of anecdotal evidence too from homeschooled teens that rejection of adult society, and of parental authority, is not a necessary part of growing up. Dr Maria Montessori studied every aspect of child development; she had some interesting things to say about the teen years. I think her ideas contain some clues to growing green teens.
Montessori likened the years from twelve to fifteen to the first three years of life from birth to age three. “Very special consideration must be given. Again, a new creation is taking place, this time an adult.” (1). Believe this and you’ll have a big clue to why adolescence is such a time of turmoil. Perhaps it’s parental expectations that are out of alignment with reality. We don’t after all expect much in the way of obedience and sense from infants and toddlers. I’ve also heard the early teen changes likened to what happens inside a cocoon when a butterfly is forming (2). Apparently there is a lot of chaos going on before something sensible emerges; while that metamorphosis is happening the undeveloped creature inside is very vulnerable.
The good news is that teens are seeking to understand society and their place in it. Adolescence is a time when the right opportunities can turn a teen green and socially conscious. Often-times though parents don’t turn out to be the best mentors. In seeking to understand ourselves in the teen years we need to go outside the family. Perhaps only by figuring out what we have in common with and what we reject in our parents can we realize who we are. I certainly remember the vulnerability and the excitement of the teen transition as well as the need to distance myself.
According to Dr Montessori, active and full participation in society during the teen years is necessary to develop as a good citizen. Developing teens have much to give when their own needs are being met. The biggest gift we can give them is acceptance, support, respect, and patience. Throw in boundaries too – teens just don’t always think straight! Teen ideas usually go beyond teen abilities. They need to understand that failure is part of learning and they need to learn to laugh at their mistakes while keeping trying. Who will be their role models? What can we do to make teen contributions important? Dr Montessori had much more to say on teen needs. I’d like to hear what you have to say.
Were you an involved teen? What do you wish someone had done for you? Who was your mentor or role model? Do you, or would you like to, work with teens?
Find books by Paula Polk Lillard and David H. Albert at Amazon.com
(1) Montessori Today – A Comprehensive Approach to Education from Birth to Adulthood, Paula Polk Lillard, 1996
(2) David H. Albert, L.E.A.R.N. Unschooling Conference
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As the mom of a pre-teen (one of our societies new labels that pigeon holes children) I fully believe that I have a shot of raising children who aren’t huge rebels. Mind you I said a shot, not a definite chance. Both of my boys are involved in giving back – town clean ups, helping at food pantries, giving part of their allowance to the charity of their choice, shoveling the older neighbors sidewalks without expecting to be paid (although you can’t stop a few of them from giving them a dollar or two).
I think that making them aware that there is a world around them with people who have needs that they are able to meet can help take some of the focus of themselves.
Boundaries, too, are very important. Even when kids stray from the boundaries, and they will, at least in their minds they can know that perhaps what they are doing is not a good idea. The boundaries give them another thing to think through before jumping into something.
My husband works heavily with teens in our church’s youth group. I used to before I had my boys. I worked with the youth group and I was a high school teacher – I was always surrounded by teens until ten years ago. They do need adults who aren’t their parents to turn to sometimes.
I wasn’t a rebellious teenager. Sure I had my moments but I was a “good kid” – I volunteered, etc. My kids are younger but like Robin, I have a shot at non-rebellious teens. Although kids are in the moment, by nature, I work to help show my kids that there is so much more out there. My son, at 8, is really starting to grasp it. My daughter is 5 and while she may not really get the concepts, she’s enthusiastic about whatever we do.
Robin and Melissa, as aware parents I have every confidence you will seek out whatever knowledge and help is needed to keep the communication lines with your kids open when they become teens. Actually, I find teens fun. As a parent of two teens, sometimes my patience is tried, but not that often. Teens really have such a lot to give. I wish more people recognized that.
It’s great that your kids are being exposed to giving and to helping others. Thanks for visiting.